Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Living and Loving God's Blessings

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Bleeding heart

I looked up the definition of a bleeding heart. It says "a person who is considered to be excessively sympathetic towards those who claim to be underprivileged or exploited."

I have been blessed with this bleeding heart, but it comes with a price. I feel too much. 

There is no wonder why I went into Social Work or became a foster parent. There is no wonder why I love my three kids more than anything in this world. There is no wonder why I love Kenya and all it's beautiful people.  I also am an animal lover. Especially dogs. 

This is rather embarrassing but last night I sat outside to check on that stray dog that has been staying here. My husband tells me all the time not to pet the dogs. Do you think I listen? Not a chance. This dog just needs someone to love him. 

Isn't that all any of us really wants?  Isn't that how God created us?  To love and be loved...the greatest of these is love.

Now what does this really have to do with loving a stray and disheveled dog?  God sees everything. He sees all our pain and joy. He sees our midnight tears. He hears our worries and our mistakes. He created us to be loving and compassionate people. Somewhere in the everyday grind of life and tragedy and hurt relationships we become hardened. We stop caring so much because it hurts too much to put yourself out there to be rejected. 

I love the song "I am a rock" by Simon and Garfunkel. I love it for two reasons. One night in college, my funny friend and roommate sang this song and danced all the way home from the bar. People on the walk home bent over in fits of laughter. I will never forget that. I also love it because I know we all feel that way at times. It might be easier to just not love or to be a rock or island so you can protect yourself from pain. 

I don't know why God gave me this bleeding heart. It is a blessing for sure. A glimpse into what he feels for his children. All of us. Regardless of what we have done or didn't do in our lives. 

One of the nicest things anyone ever said to me at 16 years old was,"Don't change."  Maybe what he was saying was the world will try to change you, break you and destroy you, but you are made exactly the way God intended you to be.

So I say to you. Don't change. Keep what is God given and don't build up walls. Don't try to be a rock. It doesn't work. You will only become resentful and bitter. You will miss out on so many things if you do. Life is too short to miss out. Live life. No regrets. Love with all your heart even if it bleeds dry :)

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Time is the new money

There is a saying that you can't have both time and money. I know there are exceptions to this but most people can't have both unless they work very hard to get to there. 

At home I was a stay at home mom. I have been off and on for a long time. I have had many foster children and raised my own children. 

I wouldn't trade these stay at home years for anything. I was made to be a mom.

I love the time I have here with my family. It is way more quality time than I could ever have at home. My love language is quality time so I am overflowing with my love language. Not sure there is a such thing as too much of a good thing. 

My time is filled with reading lots of books, homeschool with the kids, card games, walks with Phill, running, Zumba with Mary Jo and my two girls, Legos, playing with the dogs, and volunteering. We cook together, watch movies, and have friends over for parties. We also have volleyball tournaments. The Americans are undefeated but I think it is because we have all played before and the Kenyans haven't. It surely isn't because I am on the team!  

I just am enjoying the slow pace. Back home I was constantly rushing the kids to hurry up! We were constantly running late. My kids almost never had their shoes on as we ran to the van to get somewhere on time. 

Here I don't care if the kids crack the eggs all over the place and miss the pan. They are learning. I can sit down and play Legos with my son because I don't have a million household things to do. I am enjoying reading my books. I am reading my sixth book now. 
The trade off is not much money. I am not worried. There will be time to earn money. This trip has been so priceless.