The new me

We are working on putting in a new kitchen floor. Our old kitchen floor looked like something from "That 70's show" My dad has been doing all the work. He is very meticulous when it comes to projects. I am a lot like him in some areas, but not when it comes to laundry or baking. Probably because I am not a huge fan of either of those things.

My dad ripped out all of the old floor. He told me we had to make sure that the floor is absolutely spotless before we put down the new floor. If there are any little stones in there after we lay down the new vinyl, the will push their way up and start a hole.

When my daughter woke up from her nap, she came downstairs and said, "Grandpa this floor is ugly!" We both smiled and told her it wasn't finished yet. I told my dad that ugly is her new favorite word. On her first day of 3 year old pre-school I asked her how she wanted her hair done. Natalie replied, "Ugly!"

I wasn't even thinking of much when I started sweeping over what remained of the old floor. I started to realize that this old floor was a lot like what I had gone through. I was like the old floor. I was doing fine-just kind of going through the motions of life. Then I got hit with an illness shortly after I had baby Phillip. This was like what was underneath the old floor. You could see where the old floor was but it was distorted and "ugly." I stayed that way until I started receiving treatment in the hospital. 

Then the new floor was slowly added over the old floor and it was shiny, new and strong. It covered up all of the old cracks, glue spots, and covered any flaws. This is what I was going through right now.


I think we all go through these kind of transformations. But it is painful and we would rather not have to go through all the "ugliness" in our lives. When we look back on them in a healthy perspective, we can see how God helped us grow and become more like his perfect son, Jesus.
I never stop finding ways that God has blessed my family through this experience. I absolutely love my life and would not change anything about it. I love my family so much!
I don't think I said that very often in the past. I knew I loved my family, but I seemed to take them for granted that they would always be there. I also complained too much about the mundane things in my routine. Now I am so grateful for the routines and so is my family. 

My marriage got stronger through this also. It wasn't easy for Phill to go through this with me. He was extremely patient, understanding and helpful through this whole experience. We did have a few major arguments in the recent past. I think one of the biggest argument was over future traveling. I wanted Phill to give up all of his traveling because I ended up in the hospital the last time he went on a trip. I realized how unreasonable this would be and I love to travel so I would be ending a dream of mine. I let fear and doubt get the best of me.


I also found a new appreciation for myself. I think we can be our own worst critics. I know I was and I still am sometimes. I have given myself a break from this. I am so proud of my own inner strength I never knew I had. I am also so proud of myself for knowing I needed help. 


One of the best things I learned as a social worker, is that asking for help is a strength not a weakness.