Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Living and Loving God's Blessings

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What's real

The human body is amazing. Each is unique and complex. What works for one body, might destroy another. It really is a science when figuring out what medication will work for each individual person.
I have been taking Celexa 20 mg for 5 months now and it works pretty well. I still have some "postpartum junk in the trunk" though.  I just kept it quiet and tried to think maybe it was normal for me to have intrusive thoughts and irrational fears. I am a mom- and moms worry about everything. Everything is a potential danger to our little curious children. My 7 month old is fascinated  with cords. He pulls on them, tries to eat them, and whips them around like a little baby cowboy.

Today I went to see my doctor and I started crying. She told me I shouldn't be having these kinds of irrational fears that my kids are in danger and I shouldn't be having intrusive thoughts. I also told her about my nightmares. I have a reoccurring nightmare a few times a week that I leave baby Phillip somewhere and I can't find him. He is always in his car seat, but I can't find him. I am in a panic trying to find him. I hate those nightmares because I feel like it is a foreshadowing of what is to come. Then I have to talk myself out of this, like I would never do such a thing.  Well I know I wouldn't, but I have to convince myself it would never happen.

I told my doctor about how I had a complete meltdown over the drop-side crib we own. There is a mandatory recall on all drop-side cribs because they are unsafe and infants have died because they can malfunction. I called my husband to tell him this and I was sobbing into the phone. He didn't even know what I was saying. I overreacted a bit much on this one. Again- the irrational fears got the best of me.

I sometimes don't do so well on this postpartum  journey, but then God reminds me where I have been. I still have to fight and it is a battle. I am still going to have bad bad days, just like everyone else does.
My doctor is prescribing me a new medicine, Wellbutrin, to help with the fears and nightmares. She will probably take me off Celexa cause it just isn't enough. I am hoping this will do the trick.

The medicine helps, but God does the real healing.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Blessed to be Stressed and a black eye for Christmas!

My husband came home from his last minute Christmas shopping with his best buddy. I did a ton of dishes from the wrestling party we threw last night. It was a ton of fun- but it turned into exactly what I said. A wrestling party- in my living room. Boys will be boys!

Oh I forgot to mention I have a black eye- not from the party, or a wild night with my hubby, but from a cell phone flying through the air. A couple nights ago my husband was talking to his dad on the phone. Then one second later, "Jodie, my dad wants to talk to you...bam!" Corner of my eye meet cell phone. I ran upstairs screaming and looked in the mirror. I had a huge "bubble" coming out of my head. It was so gross. I started screaming even more. My three year old is screaming and crying. "Oh mommy- it hurts doesn't it?" My husband is running upstairs with a phone in his hand- put the damn thing down already!  He is calling his parents back and yelling, "Can you come here please!" Then he runs downstairs to get ice for it. He is apologizing profusely. I am sobbing even more. The F word is flung around like there are no kids around. Finally when I calmed down I asked him quietly why he threw the phone when I wasn't even ready for it? My eye is swelling shut. He doesn't answer except, "Put the ice back on it!"
Now we are panicking because Christmas is coming up and I will for sure have a black eye for Christmas. Awesome. What are we going to tell my parents? "Phill hit me in the eye with a cell phone?" Oh gosh- it sounds so bad! Finally we get our heads together and realize- yep that is the truth. It was an accident and we will just tell the truth. And it isn't so bad. Everyone believes us and laughs at us. Natalie even asks me, "Mom do you still have two eyes?" Yes honey- I still have two eyes.

I'm sure this will be a Christmas I will never forget. This will be a year I will never forget. But I am so blessed to be stressed. I know I am loved like crazy and I have the biggest blessings on earth- my family.  Merry Christmas and God Bless you and your family!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Wrestling rookies

My husband is the head wrestling coach this year at the school he teaches at.  He has always been a coach, but this is his first year as head coach. He is still working out the kinks, and we are learning right along with him.

We love to go along to be supportive. The girls dress up in their cheer leading outfits!
So here is my family and my top ten signs we don't have a clue about this sport!

1. My foster daughter watches two people wrestling and she says, "he is loosing his earmuffs!"

2. My three year old asks after five minutes into the meet if it's over.

3. She then is super excited about the concession stand and orders a hot dog and a ring pop.

4. We damn near need a suitcase to attend a meet with the car seat, diaper bag, blankets and toys.

5. During the wrestling meet my three year old yells, "Hi Dad!" and won't stop yelling until he looks over at us and waves.

6. I was so excited about this season that I decided to have a big Christmas party for all the wrestlers, coaches, managers and cheerleaders. I am going to need a ton of food!

7. We had to change the date of the Christmas party because it was originally the day before a meet and the wrestlers need to cut weight.

8. I was loving this sport until my husband came home with a huge garbage bag of sweaty uniforms and singlets that we had to wash and hang dry.

9. I have no idea how the points are scored

10. But we yell and cheer like we do!

We love Wrestling season!!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

jogging pants-everyday!

Sometimes it just runs together. When you are a mom all day and then your husband comes home, you are still the mom. I remember barking orders at my husband once and he gave me "the look."  I apologized and explained I was giving orders all day to a very defiant little 3 year old today. He understood and accepted my apology.

One morning Phill had two of his coaches coming over in the morning because they were leaving together to go to a coaches clinic. I knew this, but I came down to greet them both in my jogging pants and sweatshirt. My hair was a mess and I didn't have a bra on. How embarrassing!  How could I ever do this to my poor husband?  He didn't even notice because I usually look like this- well usually I have a bra on!
I was joking with him later that his coaches were probably like, "nice wife!"  LOL

I've tried to be a little more attractive since attending wrestling meets, but it is so hard when you have so much more important things to do during the day. I have been running a lot lately, so I am hoping to lose this last fifteen pounds, but it is really hard to do when you have three Christmas parties in one week! Yikes!

I think this year for our anniversary I wore my jogging pants and a thong. I know it is a stretch, but jogging pants are so darn comfortable!

Moms out there- I know you know what I am talking about! I definitely don't like looking like a frump, but in this season of life, I think it is just fine.  It really gives us a good excuse to get glammed up once in a while.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Playing Santa

It amazes me how much I can love someone so much. My children hypnotize me. I know you know what I am talking about.
The other day I dropped off my daughter at Preschool, on time by the way, and drove somewhere I had no clue where I was going. I found this lady on Craigslist.com  (I love buying things off craigslist! It is so addicting!)  She was selling this Ariel vanity in great condition. I knew my daughter, Natalie, would love it. They are originally $80 brand new, but she was selling this for $40. My little guy and I drove for over an hour, and we got lost a few times. Finally we found her house. When I arrived at her house, it was covered with a ton of little girl toys that her daughter outgrew. I was glad I didn't say "granddaughter" because she looked old enough to be her grandma! Anyway- she kept adding things to sweeten the deal. I walked away spending $50 later, with the Ariel vanity, a doll house, a toy baby swing, a baby crib, and an Ariel doll. She probably thought-"sucker" but I was so happy with my latest treasures! I couldn't wait to show my husband. Then ten minutes into the drive I thought-he is going to kill me! Where are we going to put all of this stuff! Our living room is already at max capacity with toys. Oh well I thought.

So my baby and I drove home with my back trunk full to the brim with toys that were talking whenever I hit a bump. I had a huge smile on my face. I was so excited to get these home!  When Natalie was supposed to be taking a nap, I tried very hard to sneak these toys into the basement. She almost busted me three different times. Being Santa is hard work!

I am loving Christmas more and more as my little ones get older. I also love that I have an older foster daughter who is 12 and I can go shopping with and bake cookies with.

I don't think my kids would really care about presents, they know how much I love them. My husband keeps me in check when I want to go on a spending spree. I call him the Grinch sometimes. He is right though. Kids get way too much stuff-when all they really want is to be with the ones who love them the most and the ones they love in return. So we can play Santa once in awhile, but they would always choose Mommy over Santa any day!