Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Living and Loving God's Blessings

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What's real

The human body is amazing. Each is unique and complex. What works for one body, might destroy another. It really is a science when figuring out what medication will work for each individual person.
I have been taking Celexa 20 mg for 5 months now and it works pretty well. I still have some "postpartum junk in the trunk" though.  I just kept it quiet and tried to think maybe it was normal for me to have intrusive thoughts and irrational fears. I am a mom- and moms worry about everything. Everything is a potential danger to our little curious children. My 7 month old is fascinated  with cords. He pulls on them, tries to eat them, and whips them around like a little baby cowboy.

Today I went to see my doctor and I started crying. She told me I shouldn't be having these kinds of irrational fears that my kids are in danger and I shouldn't be having intrusive thoughts. I also told her about my nightmares. I have a reoccurring nightmare a few times a week that I leave baby Phillip somewhere and I can't find him. He is always in his car seat, but I can't find him. I am in a panic trying to find him. I hate those nightmares because I feel like it is a foreshadowing of what is to come. Then I have to talk myself out of this, like I would never do such a thing.  Well I know I wouldn't, but I have to convince myself it would never happen.

I told my doctor about how I had a complete meltdown over the drop-side crib we own. There is a mandatory recall on all drop-side cribs because they are unsafe and infants have died because they can malfunction. I called my husband to tell him this and I was sobbing into the phone. He didn't even know what I was saying. I overreacted a bit much on this one. Again- the irrational fears got the best of me.

I sometimes don't do so well on this postpartum  journey, but then God reminds me where I have been. I still have to fight and it is a battle. I am still going to have bad bad days, just like everyone else does.
My doctor is prescribing me a new medicine, Wellbutrin, to help with the fears and nightmares. She will probably take me off Celexa cause it just isn't enough. I am hoping this will do the trick.

The medicine helps, but God does the real healing.

2 comments:

  1. The meds should work better on your anxiety then that for sure. I take effexor and it is a beautiful relief from the nagging worries. Others have not worked at all. I read a book called The Good Sister by Druscilla Campell all I can say is WOW it was such an eye opener it told a very interesting story of 3 generations of women one of which went through PPD and eventually had post pardum psychosis. Interesting stuff you should check it out-Jodi

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  2. Thanks Jodi- I need a good read! I take Wellbutrin now and it is much better. I have more energy and I am not hungry ever two hours like I was on Celexa alone. I still take Celexa too.
    I have lost some weight finally! It was so annoying to run 5 days a week 3 miles and not see any results. I am going to look up that book right now. Thanks so much!

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