Finally Phill

It was 1:30 and I had to mentally prepare myself for going home. I was ready. I could not wait. I decided to try to kill some time by laying down. I slept for maybe ten minutes before I jolted awake. My body was tingling from one of the medications that was leaving my system. It was the weirdest sensation. I went to talk to Dr. C about this. She thought it was the anti-anxiety medication I was on. It wouldn't really matter much because I was not going to be continuing that medication. I was concerned it was the anti-depressant and that was concerning because I would have to be on that medication for a minimum of one year. Dr. C told me to call her the next morning to see if the side effects had subsided.

I had my prescriptions for Celexa 20 mg and Trazadone 200 mg. I also had a prescription for my work. It simply stated "no work for two weeks." I felt guilty about not working. I quickly changed my thinking because I needed to be 100% confident before I returned to work or things would not get better. I also started to think about my meeting with Phill. I had a lot to discuss with him. I didn't want it to sound like I was criticizing him or blaming him, but he needed to know my feelings and what I needed to get better.
We had one group left before supper. I was planning to skip the spaghetti and meatballs and get some pizza or something once Phill picked me up.

I started talking with my new friend, Nancy before group started. She was glad I was going home and was so excited that Phill was coming to pick me up. She told me to make sure I hugged him so she could see! We promised to keep each other in our prayers. Still today I pray for Nancy.
When I think of her or any of the other patients I spent time with, we all had one thing in common. We cared so much for others that we forgot to take care of ourselves. I even brought that up in group. I told Benny he was one of the kindest people I ever met just by his actions and the way he looked out for me. He told me he appreciated that with a huge smile.
We watched a movie about bi-polar disorder in group. It was really interesting and I learned a lot about bi-polar. Again I was very grateful that I had postpartum depression and wasn't diagnosed with bi-polar. It is a disorder that seems very difficult to get the correct medications to work and get the correct diagnosis.

Phill signed in at the front desk. I could see through the glass window that the nurse was talking to someone and took their wallet and cell phone like they always do. I walked to the hallway and Nancy said, "Go get him!" I turned around and smiled at her.

Phill had a huge smile on his face and gave me a big hug. It seemed surreal to me that he was actually here. It felt like months had gone by and it was so strange to me that I didn't even miss him. I couldn't miss him because I was so depressed. But now I felt relieved he was home and he was going to take care of me.
We got to talking right away and he gave me a kiss. I told him he had to "watch out" cause there were video cameras in the room!
I felt like I had my best friend in the whole world with me and we were on this journey together. I was a bit nervous that Phill would bail on me and not be able to tread the unchartered waters with me. When I brought that up he gave me a goofy look. He said, "Jodie I'm not going to leave you, you don't ever have to worry about that."