Winding down

We had to meet for a wrap up meeting at 8:00 p.m. The purpose was to go over our goals for the day and see if we achieved them. Each person got a chance to talk about their day. It was my turn and I had to review my day. I honestly felt 50% better than I had in the morning. I started to have hope again. I was laughing and smiling again. I felt like the new medicine was working and I could feel my body responding well to it. I also felt so accepted and my feelings were validated in group.
It's amazing to me that so many of the other patients were in the hospital for much larger challenges in comparison to my own, but they still had so much compassion and empathy for me. They listened to me and encouraged me. I learned that depression is depression and it didn't matter why you were there. I learned that you can't just get yourself out of it on your own. It is a chemical imbalance and you did nothing wrong to cause it. I never understood this until I had to go through it on my own. I never understood how someone could take their own life until I ended up feeling like taking my own. My heart aches for those men and women who succeed in taking their own life. I have been to funerals of people who ended their lives. I never could understand it until now. You are in so much pain that every second is agony and it is the only way you can end that pain. You don't believe it will ever get better and you can't imagine living any longer in so much agony. I continue to pray for the victims all over the world affected by depression and their families. It is such a hard illness to explain and many times family members can't understand it because they aren't going through it. Family and friends get tired  and frustrated because they don't know how they can help.
After our wrap up meeting two of the social workers asked if any of us wanted to play Skip Bo. Benny and I said we would. We played for almost an hour and a half. I imagined we all met in different circumstances and we were friends who met at a party. We talked and laughed. I appreciated the social workers taking time to make us feel like we were accepted. They never looked down on us and Benny and I could tell that. Benny looked exhausted and still looked pale. He had to wear a nicotine patch because we weren't allowed outside for anything. Most of the patients had to wear nicotine patches. I was the only one who didn't have to wear one. I thought how great it would be to have a cigarette again. I quit smoking five years ago but never really smoked a lot. It was a college phase I went through. Once I met my husband and found out how much he hated smoking I knew it was a good cause to quit. He almost didn't date me because of it.
After our game of Skip Bo we took our meds and it was time for bed. I laid down and fell fast asleep.