Irrational Thinking

I awoke and looked at the clock. It was 4:00 in the morning. I got up and went to the bathroom. I tried to fall back asleep but I had my blood pressure checked at 5:00 in the morning. I continued to lay in my bed until 6:30 trying to fall back asleep, but was unable to. I got up and got dressed and went to the activity room.
I felt so nervous and scared. I wanted to leave right then and there. I was so anxious and agitated. It had been 24 hours without my anti-anxiety med and I was shaking I was so nervous. I told the nurse I was scared. She asked what I was scared about. I told her I couldn't be here. I needed to go home. She talked me down. She told me my body was responding to not having the anti-anxiety med. The one I was on before the hospital was highly addictive. The nurse wanted me to try to make it without taking an anti-anxiety med. I tried but I was so agitated. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. My heart was pounding and I couldn't concentrate.
We had to rate our feelings. I put a 5 for anxiety and irritability. I thought maybe that was not a good idea cause I was panicking and wanted to go home. They would never let me go home if I was this anxious. I kept telling myself, "Get yourself together! You need to do this."
We had breakfast and then I had to meet with the Dr. P again. I told him I was up at 4:00 a.m. and I was extremely anxious. He could tell by just looking at me. We talked and he said I needed to stay until Sunday and I needed to try a new sleeping medication to see if that one would keep me asleep. He prescribed Trazadone. He also told me I had to go to a group in the outpatient part of the hospital. I was not looking forward to that. I scowled when he recommended I go to this group for two weeks from 9-2. I later told the social worker that I would go to therapy but I wasn't going to be able to go every day for two weeks. I wanted to get my life back on track and spend time with my kids. They told me it was my choice so I could decide before my discharge.
After I met with Dr.P the phone rang again. It was Phill. He was getting on an airplane in Kenya and the next time I would talk to him he would be in Detroit driving to see me. I couldn't wait to see him. I was so irritable.
We had group and we talked about irrational thinking. It would have been fine except I didn't care for this particular staff. She acted like she was better than all of us and we were a gigantic waste of her time. I am sure someone will put her in her place someday soon, but I was already so grouchy and I wanted to be that person. I had to restrain myself and realize it wasn't worth it.
Two things I did get out of this group was the term personalization. It is taking personal responsibility for things you have no control over. This is unhealthy because you become frustrated and feel guilty over things you cannot change. I also learned about the term catrastrophizing. I do this as well. It is where you think of the worst case scenario and you can't seem to get yourself out of it. My example was, I am sick, I will never get better, I won't be able to ever work again, I will lose my husband and my children because I am crazy, I will end up in a pscyh ward the rest of my life.  This is so destructive because it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. If that is what you assume is going to happen then it will just because you made it your reality.